


Deeper

by Ignimendax



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abuse, Bad Ending, Blood and Gore, Brutal Murder, Character Death, Dark, Drama, Emotional Hurt, Family Issues, Friendship, High School, Horror game, Manga & Anime, Nightmares, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Suicide, Violence, Visual Novel, slightly meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignimendax/pseuds/Ignimendax
Summary: Natsuki's life sucks. Nightmares every night, her family situation is dire, and her academic life isn't anything to get excited about either.A lot of the time, she feels like she's hit rock bottom.She didn't even know she could go deeper.Deeper into that pit.This story is meant to be disturbing/unpleasant. No guarantees, of course, but just bear that in mind.There might not be a happy ending.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 29





	1. Prologue

Natsuki rolled around in her bed. She was having a nightmare. Nothing unusual, just... what she was used to. And yet, every time it felt like the same fresh new terror, jerking her about in her sleep without the mercy to let her wake up.   
Her dad with his belt in his hand, and Natsuki crawling across the floor, bruised and beaten. It was horrible... she didn’t get along with her dad and they had a few arguments, but it never escalated to this point. If it ever came close, Natsuki would admit defeat and her dad would get his way.   
This was how it went most of the time.   
At last, her alarm clock saved her from her nightly torment and she jumped out of bed, sweating. Every night, the same dream.   
Every night, just as scary. 

Natsuki shakily changed into her school uniform that she’d left on her desk chair and slung her bag over her shoulder. She hauled it downstairs and left it by the front door. Sneaking quietly into the kitchen, she could hear her dad snoring from the couch in the living room. Carefully, Natsuki opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk, then grabbed an energy bar from the cupboard for the journey. She picked up her bag again and left the house, closing the door behind her quietly, and walked to the bus stop. 

The sky was grey, threatening to pour heavy rain down upon her, but she was lucky enough to make it onto the bus before it started. Like usual, Natsuki found a seat near the back and gazed out the window at the grey and dull neighbourhood as it sailed past...  
Natsuki glanced around the bus. The drive was quite long, so there was never much to do. She’d considered bringing a manga with her for bus journeys, but it was too risky. Either her dad would catch her with it at home, or some of the other kids on the bus would tease her for it. That happened once, in freshman year...  
Natsuki shuddered at the thought. She hadn’t had any friends at the time to help her through, and didn’t really have any now. She never really talked to anyone, and nobody ever really talked to her... except in the club.   
Natsuki had joined a literature club a while back, but kept to herself most of the time, just quietly reading manga in the corner. 

Natsuki sighed and pulled out her energy bar. So this was breakfast for today...  
‘NRG Bar’ ... a little on the nose. Natsuki pulled off the wrapper and stuffed it in her pocket, staring at the chocolate bar in her hand. The bar was small. Two bites would do it, but Natsuki needed the energy. She bit down once, trying to savour the bland taste of industrially-produced chocolate, then slipped the rest in her mouth.   
Well, at least her life couldn’t get much worse from here.


	2. Chapter 2

Natsuki kept her head down as she walked from class to class. It just felt safer, to be able to wander about unnoticed. Being one of the shortest girls in the school helped with that. Wandering from class to locker to class, occasionally stopping by a water fountain... it was all routine by now. The only thing Natsuki looked forward to on a school day was the afternoon clubs. 

After what felt like an eternity, classes were over and Natsuki’s autopilot was already directing her upstairs to the clubroom. The hallways were emptier and the school was quieter now. Natsuki opened the door and stepped inside. 

The clubroom was a classroom like any other. A blackboard at the front, a desk for the teacher to the side and then rows upon rows of simpler desks leading all the way to the back. Natsuki wasn’t the first to arrive though: across the classroom, sitting in one of the chairs, was a taller girl with dark purple hair. Her name was Yuri, and she was currently engrossed in a book, like she always was when Natsuki arrived. As usual, the purple-haired girl hadn't heard her enter, and Natsuki just walked along the back of the room, making a beeline for the closet at the back where all the supplies were kept and, in this case, where she kept her manga collection. 

Dumping her bag on the floor with a soft thud, she opened the closet and groaned audibly. Monika, the club leader, had been reorganising the closet again and all of Natsuki’s manga volumes were on the shelves in the wrong order. Of course Monika only did it to appease the teachers, who wanted the closet to look tidy at all times, but still...  
“Hello, Natsuki.” Yuri must’ve heard her, as her timid greeting reached Natsuki as she started moving books and boxes around.  
“Hey, Yuri...” The exchange was brief. Natsuki would’ve liked to get to know Yuri a little better, but they didn’t really have anything in common. They’d even argued quite a bit about whether manga was really a form of literature or not, which still made Natsuki’s blood boil. There was nothing more frustrating than someone discarding your passion as illegitimate. As if she didn’t have enough to worry about with her dad at home. That’s why the manga was all here. To keep it safe. 

By the time Natsuki had reordered her manga, which was pretty difficult considering her extremely short stature, the rest of the club had arrived. The Literature Club was pretty small, only consisting of four members, the bare minimum for it to be considered an official club. Sayori was next to arrive, bouncing into the clubroom, as full of energy as ever. Sayori was the kind of person who was blissfully naïve and shamelessly optimistic about everything. She had a pretty positive outlook on life, and made it her daily mission to bring smiles to everyone.  
Last to arrive was Monika, the club leader. Monika was friendly enough, aside from the business with Natsuki’s manga collection. She was also very talented. A pianist, a singer, one of the school’s most athletic girls... Monika had it all. Friends, admirers, and even a stalker or two, probably.  
She was great. 

An afternoon at the Literature Club had no standard structure. Natsuki spent it flipping through her manga in the closet. She was reading her favourite series, Parfait Girls, when she noticed someone standing over her.  
Natsuki looked up from her book.  
“What are you doing...?”  
“Ehehe~ Hi Natsuki!” Sayori grinned and smiled back down at her. “Are you having fun?”  
Natsuki wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She was just opening her mouth to ask what exactly Sayori meant, but the carefree girl wasn’t finished.  
“I’m going around taking a survey! Monika said it might be fun to try out some new activities for the club!”  
It wouldn’t be much of a survey... besides Monika and Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri were the only other people in the club.  
“Well... I guess I like it. I like the quiet in the clubroom.”  
Sayori, enjoying her role as pollster, scribbled this down in a small notebook.  
“Excellent...” She breathed and flipped the paper, “What suggestions would you have for future club activities?”  
Natsuki put down the manga. That was a good question. Personally, her favourite thing about the club was how small and quiet it was, with no organised activities or a crowded clubroom. And much nicer than her own home.  
“Well...” She began, “I guess we could... have literature-related discussions or something...?”  
She was about to add something else to form a more satisfying answer, but Sayori had already scribbled it down and flipped the notebook shut.  
“Thanks~!” With a happy smile, Sayori bounded across the room to where Yuri sat. Natsuki shook her head and turned her attention back to the story. Something about Sayori was endearing. The way she spoke and moved was always adorable, but there was something else about her that just made it difficult not to smile. Natsuki smiled.  
Whatever it was, it never failed.


	3. Chapter 3

Natsuki ran to the bus stop in the pouring rain. Her pink hair was wet and her uniform was beginning to soak through. The schoolbag was waterproof, but the idea of her books surviving when she had to suffer just seemed like a form of mockery. The bus’ motor gave a mechanical cough and the wheels started rolling, carrying the bus onward to its next stop just as Natsuki arrived, out of breath. Sometimes she’d get lucky and catch it. This was not one of those times.   
She sat down on the bench under the little roof of the stop, but the wind blew straight in her face, carrying the rain with it every now and then. Natsuki crossed her arms and pressed her legs together, shivering. It was cold.   
It would be another fifteen minutes until the next bus arrived. Fifteen more minutes of the cold rain drenching her clothes and the chilly winds blowing in her face. Natsuki would normally pull out her phone to keep herself occupied at times like this, but the heavy rain made that impossible. 

About three minutes later, Natsuki heard cheerful humming and loud skipping footsteps approach. Only one person could be enjoying themselves in this gloomy weather. She turned around and, sure enough, it was Sayori who greeted her, skipping in bright yellow wellington boots, her hair matt and clothes soaked, but the bright smile on her face completely untouched.   
“Hi Natsuki! How long until the bus arrives?”  
“Around twelve minutes...” Natsuki grumbled. The fact that Sayori was happy annoyed her even more. The universe seemed to be getting revenge for something, but Natsuki wasn’t exactly sure what she’d done to deserve it.   
Sayori sat next to her.   
“So... what’s up?” The cheerfulness never left her voice as she glanced over at Natsuki.   
“Why does it matter to you?”  
“I’m curious!”  
Natsuki sighed... as fun as Sayori could be, it was sometimes a little too much.   
“I just missed my bus and now I have to wait in the rain for the next one.” Natsuki explained.   
Sayori nodded understandingly and hugged her.   
“I’ll keep you dry!” Sayori grinned, covering up Natsuki as best she could. She was cold and wet too, so this had the opposite effect, but at least it was something...?  
Natsuki didn’t respond and they sat in silence until Natsuki’s bus arrived. She waved goodbye to Sayori, who would have to wait for a bus heading in the other direction. Sayori waved back enthusiastically.   
Natsuki couldn’t help but smile a little as she found a quiet seat at the back again. 

The journey home felt as long as ever as Natsuki watched the rain pummel the streets and pavements. Eventually it started to let up though, and by the time she got out of the bus on her street, it had stopped completely.   
The sun came out to dry her clothing, reflecting its light on the wet surfaces of the world around her. Natsuki took her time walking to her house, admiring the beautiful scenery.   
Arriving at her own front door, she pulled out her keys and slowly unlocked it. As the door opened she could hear loud shouting coming from inside. Her dad was watching football again. Probably.   
Hopefully.   
Natsuki crept into the kitchen and opened the fridge to see what was left. While her dad was watching, he probably wouldn’t notice her.   
But he’d be in a foul mood afterwards, and Natsuki hoped against hope to avoid that.   
The fridge was mostly empty. Natsuki poured herself a glass of milk and grabbed a bread roll. She was just on her way up as the cheering from the TV stopped and her dad got up from the couch.   
Not enough time. He’d seen her.   
“Hey. You’re home.”  
“Yeah... I just got back,” Natsuki kept her breathing steady as her dad approached, setting down his beer on the counter, “I was just getting something to eat.”  
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until her father finally sighed.   
“Just go upstairs and get the fuck out of here...”  
He was too exhausted. Natsuki nodded and quickly went upstairs, careful not to spill the milk and give her dad a real reason to get mad.   
She dragged her bag with her and entered her room, locking the door behind her. Safety, unless he got REALLY drunk.   
Then nowhere in the house would be safe for her.   
Natsuki took a small sip of her milk and bit into the roll, dragging her bag over to her desk. She got changed into a shirt and jeans and pulled out some homework to keep busy with. 

It wasn’t long before she heard more shouting from downstairs. Closing the textbook, Natsuki quickly drank some more milk and leaned against the door, trying to hear what was going on.   
It sounded as though her dad was stumbling around. He was drunk. Again.   
Something smashed.   
“Nat! Get down here!”  
Natsuki trembled. Her dad wanted her to come down and clean up.   
“NAT!” He was coming upstairs! “Get your ass down here NOW!”  
Natsuki took a deep breath and fumbled with her bedroom key. She quickly unlocked the door and stepped out, right in front of her father. He towered above her, and his breath smelled strongly of alcohol.   
Natsuki gulped.   
“Don’t lock your door, Nat. I keep telling you.” He was angry. Natsuki always locked the door because it made her feel safer at night, but her dad hated it.   
“Yes papa...” She mumbled. He grunted and shoved her in the direction of the stairs. Natsuki stumbled and gripped the handrail to keep herself from falling.   
“Just clean up the mess... stupid bitch...”  
Natsuki rushed downstairs to the kitchen, seeing shards of green glass all over the floor, and a pool of beer in the middle of it all. She had to be extra careful in her thin socks, and carefully tip-toed to the closet to get the dustpan and brush.   
With any luck, her dad was going to bed now, and hadn’t taken what was left of her milk and bread roll from her room.


	4. Chapter 4

She stumbled and fell. Crawling away on her back, Natsuki looked around wildly for something to use to defend herself. A loud smack rung in her ears and a sharp pain shot up her arm. She pulled it up in agony and collapsed on the floor, curling up and cowering in fear. Again and again she felt heavy shoes slamming into her sides, bruising and beating her until she couldn’t breathe and couldn’t feel her body and...

Natsuki woke up, sitting bolt-upright. Quickly, she looked around her room.   
The door was shut. Her window was open. Her glass of water was still on her desk next to her bed.   
Shuddering, she took a sip. 

It was Saturday morning. She climbed out of bed and staggered the short distance to her wardrobe, opening it and pulling out a shirt and underwear. She found her pink skirt tucked behind some more shirts and took that too.   
Sitting on the bed with her eyes fixed on the door, Natsuki pulled her top over her head, flinging it into the basket in the corner of her room. She let the cool air of her bedroom embrace her for a minute, the chilly tendrils of the breeze through her open window soothing her skin, as if she could still feel the bruises and marks from her dream. Then she carefully put on her bra and pulled the clean shirt over her head, straightening it against her small frame.   
Natsuki stood up and pulled down her now-sweaty panties, throwing them into the basket too, before putting on her fresh pair, along with her skirt. 

Her dad was still asleep in his bedroom. Natsuki crept downstairs, careful not to wake him. This was routine for her. She entered the living room, and pushed her fingers between the cushions on the couch, checking for cash.   
If there were any coins, she’d keep them to buy snacks at school during the week, but no luck today. Natsuki sighed and walked over to the fridge. It was more or less empty. Her dad was home so baking something would be a little risky. Taking the milk carton out again, she poured herself a glass. It wasn’t much, but every little bit helped. Natsuki drank it all down in one go and washed up the glass, putting it back in the cupboard. She then went back upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her.   
This part was also routine. With nothing to do unless her dad went out, Natsuki would just pull out her phone and watch anime on Crunchyroll. She curled up in her bed, covering herself with her blanket and held her phone in front of her, trying to forget her troubles and become absorbed in the world of anime. 

Natsuki’s phone pinged. She checked her messages. There was a text from Monika.   
The girl leading the Literature Club had asked for all the members’ phone numbers, just in case, but Natsuki had rarely gotten any messages from her.   
This one simply read “Party at my place, you’re invited”, followed by a time and address.   
A party? Natsuki knew Monika to be one of the more popular girls at their school, but she had never imagined the cautious and caring brunette going to a high school party, much less hosting one.   
But it was a chance to escape her home for a while.   
She could stay there until her dad went to sleep. Maybe.   
Either way, any amount of time she could have away from here would be welcome.   
Natsuki took note of the time for the party.


	5. Chapter 5

The sun had just begun to sink behind the rows of houses as Natsuki walked down the street. She had snuck out of the house while her dad was watching TV, and run down the street until she rounded a corner. As the first real “party” she had ever attended, Natsuki had dressed in the best clothes she had. A futile attempt, as her best clothes consisted of a shirt and pink hoodie, accompanied by only the cleanest of casual jeans.   
At least they were clean.   
Natsuki was nervous but, if her extensive knowledge of slice-of-life drama served her well, she knew that at parties like this, she’d just fade into the background.   
Monika’s house was easy enough to find, even without the loud music and bright lights. A single house on the block was illuminated in bright red and blue, standing out against the long wall of white buildings. Balloons and ribbons were everywhere. Confetti littered the pavement in front of the house and crushed paper cups threatened to slip up partygoers everywhere they went. 

Natsuki approached the house slowly. People were divided into smaller groups, chatting about all things possible. She heard words relating to school, work, politics, the media... and even Chernobyl was mentioned at some point, for some reason. These small groups made the crowds a little easier to navigate as Natsuki searched for anyone she might know, preferably one of the girls from the Literature Club.   
The outside of the house was tame, but once she opened the door, Natsuki was exposed to a whole new meaning to the word “chaos”. She found herself standing before a wall of boys and girls, jumping and dancing to music that had suddenly increased in volume tenfold as soon as the front door was opened.   
Natsuki eventually managed to slip through the crowds. People were on all sides of her, body parts were bumping into her, and she was stumbling through the suffocating mess of teenagers. It took a while, but suddenly she could move her arms again. She was at the base of a staircase, with the large crowd behind her and only a few people on the stairs in front of her.   
At least she could get a good look around now. 

Monika’s house was larger than her own, and beyond the madness Natsuki could see a sound system off to the side, and tables arranged into a row to her right. That’s where she’d have to go for a drink, though it would mean enduring the crowd again.   
And probably getting lost and reappearing somewhere else in the house. 

Natsuki ascended the stairs a bit more to get a better view, and scanned the room for anyone she recognised. Monika had to be here somewhere. Sayori would probably be at the food stand, though there was no sign of her there at the moment. Yuri...? Natsuki couldn’t see her. She probably wouldn’t have come anyway.   
It was like searching for a needle in a haystack. Two needles, really, being Sayori and Monika, but the haystack was waving and jumping and moving all over the place. 

There was a tap on Natsuki’s shoulder. She turned, expecting to see Sayori by her side, but found herself face-to-face with a guy she’d never seen before.   
He had two glasses of what looked like white wine, and was holding one of them out to her. The young man wasn’t bad-looking at all, and had a smile on his face as he waited for Natsuki to accept his offer of a fresh, alcoholic beverage.   
“Thirsty?”  
“No thanks, I don’t drink.”   
Natsuki raised her hand dismissively. She’d never had it before, but didn’t intend on trying it anytime soon.   
“Fair enough. More for me then,” the boy stood next to her, a little closer than she would’ve liked. “Enjoying the party? Monika really knows how to host.”  
Natsuki didn’t really have much to respond with.   
“You looked lonely over on the steps so I thought I’d see how you’re doing.”  
Ever the gentleman, it seemed.   
“Want to go upstairs to somewhere a little quieter?”  
Or maybe not.   
Natsuki should her head. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay.“  
The boy shrugged. “Fair enough. Maybe I’ll see you around?”   
Natsuki hoped not. With that, the young man stepped back into the crowd and was suddenly invisible among the waving arms. 

It was going to be a long evening.


	6. Chapter 6

The evening went by pretty slowly. Natsuki spent most of it sitting on the steps, watching all the boys and girls dancing and laughing, having the times of their lives. There was one point when she went to the food table to grab a snack, but the effort of actually navigating the room and reaching the table, then getting back to the stairs, proved it hadn’t been worthwhile.   
She sighed. Not once had she seen any of the other girls from the Literature Club, even Monika, though she’d mostly given up now anyway. She didn’t go home though. As long as her dad wasn’t around, this was better than the alternative. 

The crowd had begun to thin and the noise died down gradually as people started to head home. It was midnight, and people had plans for the weekend. Natsuki got up again, her butt sore from sitting on the wooden steps for too long, and awkwardly sidled her way to the food table. At least it was more accessible now, but there was hardly anything left to eat.   
And right there, sipping on a cup full of apple juice, was Sayori.   
“Oh hi Natsuki! I didn’t know you came!” Sayori grinned widely and quickly finished her apple juice, wiping her mouth.   
Natsuki just grunted as she reached into a Pringles box to fish out the last couple crisps. She wasn’t really in the mood to chat anymore.   
Sayori didn’t take the hint. “Great party, right?! I didn’t know being in high school could be so FUN~!”

Natsuki poured herself a cup of water, the only drink still in abundant supply, and just turned back to her step on the other side of the room.   
Sayori followed.   
“You look really cute in those jeans!”  
Natsuki just slumped over on the stairs and stared at the water in her plastic cup, wondering how long she could still stay before Monika kicked her out.   
And at last, Sayori noticed something was wrong.   
“Hey... are you okay? Didn’t you enjoy the party...?” She sat down on the step next to Natsuki.   
“Well...” Natsuki downed the small cup’s contents in one go and looked out onto the floor of the room, watching the crowd diminish. “I guess I’m just not much of a party-person...”  
“Not much of a party-person? But you’re so CUTE!” Sayori was insistent and, before Natsuki could protest, the more carefree girl had wrapped her arms around her in an affectionate embrace, their cheeks pressed together.   
There really was little point in arguing with her, so Natsuki just sucked it up and let her enjoy the moment. 

“Awww, look at you two!”   
The moment Natsuki realised somebody might see them, she pushed Sayori away from her, who was still smiling.  
“Glad you could make it, Natsuki.” Monika stepped around them on her way down the stairs. “Sorry but I need to start cleaning up though...“  
Was she going to send her home? What could Natsuki do to stay just a while longer?  
“I-I’ll help!” Natsuki stammered, and before she could take it back and come up with a better idea, Monika had passed her and Sayori a bin each.   
“Great! You guys can help me pick up all the rubbish people left around!”  
Welp. 

The floors were surprisingly messy and Natsuki had found a box of tissues which she used for picking up the more disgusting things she found. There was food on the floor, crushed plastic cups, confetti, and she didn’t even want to think about what she’d found in the bedrooms.   
Sayori had meanwhile managed to make a game out of picking up the rubbish, and was jumping all over the place, the contents of her bin spilling out every now and then. At least it was refreshing to see someone enjoying themselves.   
Monika smiled everytime she bounced past; Sayori’s happiness was infectious.   
Soon the three of them had put their bins on the table, overflowing with all sorts of rubbish.   
Sayori had gone to find some weighing scales to weigh each of their bins, as part of her game. 

“Hey, are you doing alright?”   
Natsuki turned to Monika, who was smiling sympathetically. “You look a little let down.”  
Natsuki forced a bit of a smile. “Oh it’s nothing. I’m just not really much of a party-person. I only wanted to try it out.”  
Monika shrugged and stepped out of the way as Sayori ran past, scales in hand. “It’s not for everyone. I don’t think Yuri came at all. I didn’t really expect her to.”  
No, it would definitely not be something for Yuri. Natsuki yawned.   
“Ha, sleepy?” Monika teased, nudging her lightly.   
“I’m not used to staying up so late... what time is it?”  
“It’s 1:30 AM!” Sayori bounced up to them, holding out one of the bins. “Who had this one? It’s the winner!”

After spending a little longer listening to Sayori chatter and Monika try desperately to keep up with her, Natsuki decided to leave. They said goodbye and waved as she left the house. The streets were dark and the air was chilly. It wasn’t until Natsuki rounded the corner onto her own street that she froze.   
The light in the living room was on.   
It was late! Surely her dad wouldn’t still be awake? Maybe he fell asleep while watching something and never switched off the light?   
That seemed likely enough, and Natsuki felt hopeful as she approached the front door.   
She slid her key into the lock and turned it slowly, until she heard the satisfying click and the door opened. Carefully, Natsuki slipped off her shoes and closed the door behind her. She tiptoed to the stairs and then stopped.  
There was movement in the living room. 

Papa was awake.


	7. Chapter 7

“Nat, is that you?”  
Natsuki was frozen, her feet rooted in front of the stairs. Her only hope was that her dad might assume it was nothing and go back to sleep.   
But for once in his life, he actually got up to check. Natsuki could hear the couch creaking as the man hauled himself to his feet, and before she knew it, he was standing in front of her, only a few metres away.   
“It’s late, Nat...”  
Natsuki gulped.   
“You can’t stay out this late, Nat.” He was angry. If not through his gritted teeth and slightly reddened face, Natsuki could see it in his eyes. Small, brown, piercing eyes.   
She gulped again. Her throat felt like it was clenching and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe.   
He stepped closer. Natsuki still didn’t move.   
“So where were you?” He was towering above her now, and all she wanted to do was shrink down into the ground.   
“Where were you, huh?” A shove sent her stumbling, but she managed to regain her footing in time for a second shove that left her sprawled out on the floor.   
Natsuki scrambled back to her feet and stepped back again, but her dad was faster. With a grunt, the back of his hand met with her cheek and she fell again.   
“I’ll tell you where you were,” he growled. “You went to a party, didn’t you? You went out like all the other stupid teens and helped yourself to some fucking drugs.”  
His rough grip fastened itself on her shoulders and hoisted her up again, then she felt a sharp pain in her back and cried out as she fell onto the floor once more.   
“You fucking kids you all... you all just go out whenever you want and do whatever you want...” He kicked Natsuki in the side, causing her to roll over, staring up at him through teary eyes with a look of resignation. There was nothing she could do.   
“You just don’t GIVE A SHIT, DO YOU?” He reached down and grabbed her shoulder, slamming it into the ground. Natsuki could’ve sworn her bones had been shattered.   
There was no point in screaming, she knew that. There was no point in arguing, she knew that too. Anything she tried to do would just make it worse. It was a hard lesson that she’d learned through years of this same trauma.   
But this was just the prelude. Natsuki’s vision was starting to blur and tears streamed down her face.   
She was shoved, kicked, and beaten. Eventually her dad had had enough and stared down at her with tears in his own eyes. He was glaring intensely, but looked as though his own anger had exhausted him.   
Natsuki just lay on the floor. She couldn't look up at him even if she wanted too. Her eyes were stinging with tears that had stained her cheeks. Her clothes were a mess and even a little torn at the edges. She felt weak, bruised and battered.   
"Just go upstairs..." Her dad mumbled with a slight sob. And when Natsuki didn't move, he wrenched her up by the arm and gave her a shove in the direction of the stairs. "GO!"  
Natsuki was up only seconds later, her legs aching as she shut her door and locked it behind her. She didn't even make it to the bed before collapsing in a heap on her floor. Her heart was racing and she was thirsty, but she couldn't leave the room now. It wasn't safe.   
Natsuki curled up on her floor, staring ahead at one of the legs of her bed. Eventually the tears came back and she cried out what little water she had left in her system, burying her face in her arms. 

Time passed. It was still very early morning.   
Once she'd pulled herself together and run out of tears to cry, Natsuki quietly unlocked her door. She tiptoed across the hall to the bathroom. The TV was on downstairs, and every now and then she'd hear an angry yell that told her that her dad was still awake.   
In her hand was the cup she kept by her bed, currently empty. She quietly set the tap going and filled it. Once full, it was emptied again into her mouth, and filled once more. She looked up. In the mirror was a short, pink-haired girl. She almost looked like Natsuki, except her hair was a mess, her clothes were dirty and worn, and she had an ugly black mark forming on her cheek.   
Natsuki reached up to touch her cheek. The girl in the mirror did the same.   
She felt around for more bruises. There was another big one on her shoulder, and a small one on her thigh. Not as bad as in her dreams.   
And yet here, the pain was worse.   
She quietly tiptoed back to her room and locked the door again. It was late, she was tired.   
Natsuki pulled off her shirt and trousers and threw them in her laundry basket. Next came her bra, one of the straps of which was starting to loosen already. She kept her panties on.   
Feeling herself down, Natsuki lightly touched the bruise on her thigh. It only hurt when she pressed it, so it would hopefully go away soon. What she was worried about was the one on her face. Just a gently touch left an ache, and it was fully visible.   
Hopefully it would be gone by Monday.   
Natsuki pulled on the shirt that she slept in and crawled into bed, savouring the soft embrace of her bedsheets. The warmth was inviting, and soon Natsuki found herself in the hellish dreamscape that was her nightmares.   
But now they were worse.   
She'd never known that, all this time, her dreams had been taking it easy on her.


	8. Chapter 8

"Natsuki?"  
The teacher's voice yanked her back to reality and Natsuki scanned the board quickly, trying to figure out what she had just been asked.  
"Ahh... the probability of x is 25, given that y is 10."  
"Very good," the teacher sighed, "but I was asking if you would open the window please."  
Natsuki's face flushed a little in embarrassment as she stood up to get the window. A couple of her classmates sniggered as she passed. She carefully readjusted her hair so they wouldn't see the bruise.  
They didn't. Or at least they didn't react to it. Natsuki opened the classroom window and walked back to her desk. Sitting back down, she did her best to focus on the rest of the lesson. 

At the end of class, the teacher called her to her desk at the front.  
"You're a clever girl, Natsuki."  
She was always very friendly to her.  
"But I hate to see your grades suffering because you have trouble focusing in class. You need to concentrate more. Failing this year is the worst thing that could happen to a bright girl like you."  
Natsuki's response was shameful silence, hiding what she was thinking. It would be her lucky break if dropping out was the worst that could happen to her.  
She readjusted her pink hair again, nodded curtly, and took her leave. The teacher sighed again, but quieter this time. It wouldn't be fair on Natsuki if she didn't pass, especially since she deserved it more than most students in the class.  
Why did she hold back so much?

Natsuki wasn't about to run off again and cry, and so she just sat through the rest of her classes. For the most part, she was ignored. Somebody gave her a funny look at one point, which she could only assume meant her bruise was showing, but they didn't say anything. Maybe it was the bruise, or maybe it was the embarrassing moment in Maths. Natsuki hoped it was the latter.  
After what felt like an eternity, students dispersed for their afternoon activities, and Natsuki climbed up the stairs to the Literature Club. She didn't exactly smile when Yuri greeted her from her seat, but greeted her back nevertheless and sat down in the corner with her manga.  
All was quiet. All was peaceful.  
She felt safe.  
"Natsuki? What happened? Are you okay?"  
Uh-oh.  
Her eyes darted up to see the concerned face of the club's vice-president, Sayori. She was reaching out her hand to touch the side of Natsuki's face. It was now that she realised she must've absent-mindedly brushed the hair from her eye as she had been reading.  
"You're hurt..."  
"Shhh! Sayori!" Natsuki batted the hand away and pulled her hair back into place.  
"But I want to help!" Sayori hadn't taken the hint to be hushed, and whined at full volume. "What happened?"  
"It's not important."  
By now, Yuri had looked up from her book and Monika was walking over.  
"What's going on?" Monika saw the bruise, but her expression didn't change. Something about that sent a slight chill down Natsuki's spine, but it was  
probably  
just  
her  
imagination.  
Sayori was gently rubbing Natsuki's shoulder, which felt nice, although Natsuki would never admit it.  
At last Yuri walked over, standing next to Monika. "Ah! You're hurt! I... I can get an ice pack, if you want...!"  
"Everyone leave me alone! I-It was just an accident!" Natsuki felt her face heating up and she started to sweat a little. Her outburst made everyone, even Sayori, back off a bit. She glared up at her clubmates for a second then back down at her book, fighting back tears of frustration.  
"Alright everyone, let's leave her alone." Monika gently pulled Sayori away, and the three other girls returned to their activities.  
Natsuki glanced after them, expecting Sayori to be staring at her with huge puppy eyes or something, but she was happily scribbling in a notebook.  
Yuri was reading. 

Monika was writing. 

It was as if nothing had ever happened.


	9. Chapter 9

Natsuki took extra care covering her bruise as she walked down the halls again. They were mostly empty, as most students had already gone home, but she would rather not take any chances.   
She reached the exit without anyone looking at her strangely, and left the school grounds. The bus stop wasn't too far away, and soon Natsuki had arrived.   
Six minutes, but at least it wasn't raining this time.   
And at least she was alone. Or so she thought. 

"Hai Natsuki~!"   
Feeling a pair of arms wrapping themselves around her in what she could only describe as the most suffocating embrace of her life, Natsuki growled.   
"Leave me alone, Sayori."  
"Why? You looked so lonely! I thought I'd come and cheer you up a bit!" Sayori's smile was as radiant as ever as she finally released Natsuki, allowing the shorter girl to turn around.   
"I told you back in the clubroom, I want to be alone right now." Natsuki couldn't muster the same fierceness she had used when all three other girls were there.   
"Huh? But why would you want to be alone?"  
Wasn't it obvious? Natsuki was a breath away from pulling her hair out of the way and pointing at the big bruise plastered over her face, but something made her stop. Sayori wasn't even looking at it, and it was already visible anyway.   
Sayori wasn't even looking at it.   
Sayori hadn't noticed it.   
Sayori wasn't seeing it. 

Natsuki sighed. There was little point trying to explain herself, and she quietly admitted to herself that the extra company might be nice.   
"What do you want?" She asked.   
Sayori skipped over to the bench at the stop and sat down, patting the seat next to her.   
Natsuki took it, keeping a small distance between them both, of course.   
"You always look so tense when you go home. You're a lot happier in the club, right?"   
Natsuki could feel the other girl's eyes burning through her, but when she looked over all she saw was the friendly gaze of a caring classmate.   
"I... I don't like it much at home..." Natsuki stumbled over her own words, trying not to mention how her dad beat the shit out of her the other day or any other past incidents.  
"Why don't you just not go home then?"  
Was Sayori really such an airhead? Where would she go? She didn't have anywhere else to--  
"You could stay at my place, if you like."  
This caught Natsuki by surprise. She stared deeply into Sayori's eyes, searching for any hint of deception. She was genuinely offering her a place to stay.   
The bus pulled up.   
Get on the bus and go home, or take a later bus with Sayori?  
A house of fear and pain, or that of her friend, who really cared?  
Her dad, or Sayori?  
Why did this seem like such a hard choice?  
The bus driver grunted and the door closed as the bus slowly came back to life, rumbling along to its next stop.   
Looked like her decision was made for her. 

Sayori seemed happy that Natsuki had chosen to go back with her, but Natsuki was worried.   
She would have to call her dad and let him know where she was. But tell her dad she was staying at a friend's for an unknown amount of time? She'd be sure to get a beating when she arrived home again. But if she didn't call him? Same problem. At least that way, he wouldn't know where she was.   
Natsuki liked that thought. She wouldn't call her dad.   
The girls got onto the next bus travelling in the other direction, and sat in silence the whole way there. The thought of being free and safe, at least for a while, was enough to bring a small smile to Natsuki's face.   
It wouldn't last forever, but it was the small things, right? For the first time in a long time, Natsuki actually felt happy.   
Sayori saw her smiling and smiled back. 

She might not know why Natsuki couldn't just go home, but it was nice to spend time with somebody again, ever since her neighbour had stopped visiting.


	10. Chapter 10

The bus stopped and Sayori practically bounced out, Natsuki close behind her. The neighbourhood looked nice and quiet, but the buildings all looked very different from where Natsuki lived. There were a few familiarities, but she was fairly certain she'd never been here before.   
They walked for a bit until Sayori turned into the driveway of one particular house.   
"This where you live, then?" Natsuki was trying to sound as casual as she could as she looked around. The house looked very... clean, for lack of a better word. The outside walls were all a pretty dull colour, but looked smooth to touch. The grass was mown, and the bushes on the front lawn looked very tidy. The ideal Japanese home, she supposed.   
She wasn't sure why she thought that. 

Sayori unlocked the front door and they stepped inside into an equally clean and tidy hallway. Brown and beige colours gave the whole place a rather muted but warm feel, although the lack of photos or paintings on the walls struck Natsuki as odd. There was only a single mirror on the wall.   
Sayori strolled into the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out a glass of milk and downing it in one go.   
"Would you like some?"  
Natsuki raised her hand politely and shook her head. Venturing into the kitchen, she sneaked a peek at the lounge through an open doorway. Floor-to-ceiling windows kept it well-lit, and a large sofa in front of the TV looked ideal for a happy family to sit down and watch something together. The house was otherwise empty though, but that didn't bother her.   
Sayori led her up to her bedroom, where the illusion of a tidy and well-kept home was instantly broken. Clothes littered the floor, unfinished homework hid the desk completely from view, and the bedsheets were only halfway on the bed.   
Natsuki cautiously stepped inside, as though it were a minefield. Truth be told, there was a good chance she'd step on something in this mess, and she wanted to be careful.   
Sayori, however, simply bounded across the room and jumped onto her bed happily.   
"This... isn't quite like the rest of the house."  
"Not really, sorry..." Sayori giggled and scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "My neighbour used to come visit and help me tidy and things."  
Natsuki glanced up over the giant stuffed cow with the disturbingly huge udders at the foot of the bed and out the window, at what she assumed was said neighbour's house.   
"Why'd they stop visiting?"  
"Ahhh I'm not sure. I guess we just grew apart around the time the club started... we couldn't walk home together anymore, I suppose, and it took too long for him to wait for me."  
A him? Natsuki gazed at the house curiously. She wondered what might've caused a guy and a girl to grow apart like that. Maybe he'd gotten a girlfriend? Natsuki's knowledge of relationships and social interactions was mostly based on what she'd learned from manga, but that seemed like a fair possibility.   
Anyway, the love life of the neighbour wasn't so important right now. She needed to somehow find somewhere to sleep. As if reading her mind, Sayori ran off down the hall and quickly returned with a sleeping bag and pillow.   
"You can sleep with these. Make yourself at home! Ehehe~"  
Natsuki took the sleeping bag and started pushing clothes out of the way with her foot.   
They didn't smell bad or anything, but she'd rather not touch them directly, especially after she uncovered what appeared to be a used pair of Sayori's panties.   
Shuddering, Natsuki set up the sleeping bag and pillow. It wasn't much, and certainly wouldn't beat her bed back home, but it would do.   
She could get used to this. 

The rest of the day went by slowly. Natsuki read manga online on her phone, she and Sayori heated up frozen pizzas for dinner, and then it was already time for them to get ready for bed. Having not had the chance to bring any spare clothes with her through her incredible lack of foresight, Natsuki just took off her uniform and changed into the spare shirt she often brought with her. She kept the same underwear on.   
After brushing her teeth she returned to the bedroom. Sayori was also already changed and had brushed her own teeth. She was laying on her bed, hugging her blanket as Natsuki approached, sliding into the sleeping bag.   
It was less comfortable than she'd hoped, but not impossible to sleep in. 

"Sooo...~"  
Oh brother.   
"What...?" Natsuki opened her eyes again to look up at Sayori's bed.   
"Soooo? What's new?"  
"New...?"  
"Got a boyfriend? Girlfriend~?"  
"No."  
Silence.   
"You?" Natsuki asked.   
"Nope! Single and ready to mingle!"  
This really wasn't a conversation she'd ever expected to have with Sayori.   
"What about Yuri?" Sayori seemed determined to have this conversation, though.   
"What about her?"  
"Do you think she does?"  
"... Probably not."  
Who'd want to hang out with a bookworm who didn't even go out to parties?   
"Why not? I think she could!"  
"How'd you figure?"  
"She's got a nice body~" Sayori wasn't holding anything back. They were actually doing this. In manga, whenever girls had a sleepover, it seemed almost traditional for them to discuss every tiny little detail about their lives.   
Natsuki had been convinced it couldn't be real.   
"But what about Monika?" Sayori rolled over to look down at Natsuki, who was laying next to the bed.   
"Monika?"  
"Yeah. Do you think she's got a boyfriend?"  
Natsuki thought for a moment. Why not, right? Unlike her, Monika was popular, good-looking, and didn't have some horrific family situation at home. None that she'd heard of, anyway.   
"She might."  
"I bet she does. She always seems so happy."  
Good for her, Natsuki thought.   
"Is there anyone you like?" Sayori wasn't done with her yet.   
The pink-haired girl sighed.   
"No."  
More silence. Sayori was staring at her as if expecting her to ask the same question back.   
Another sigh.   
"You?"  
Sayori lay on her back again in bed, staring up at the ceiling.   
"I used to really like the guy next door. He would always come by and help me cook, clean my room, sometimes even help with my homework. It was really nice."  
He sounded like the dependable type.   
"Did you ever ask him out?"  
"No, I was too shy..."   
"Maybe you should. You might as well, right?"   
That's what manga had taught her. Take the opportunity, ask the guy out, he'll always accept.   
Well, probably not always, but what was the worst that could happen?   
"You really think I should?" Sayori asked.   
"Why not? Gather your courage and ask the guy out! I mean, it's not like he doesn't know you well enough already, right?" Natsuki tried to sound as encouraging as possible. Truthfully, she doubted she'd ever have the guts to ask someone out in person, but that didn't mean she couldn't help someone else do it. Hell, if it worked out, she'd even be happy for Sayori.   
"Maybe..." Sayori thought it over. "Yeah... yeah maybe I will. Thanks, Natsuki!"  
Natsuki smiled. She'd done her good deed of the day, but she was starting to feel the weight of her eyelids.   
"I'm gonna sleep now, Sayori. Goodnight."  
"'Night!"   
Despite the hard floor beneath her, only slightly cushioned by the thin material of the sleeping bag, Natsuki fell asleep quickly.   
No dreams tonight.   
For the first time in what must've been years, she slept well.


	11. Chapter 11

Tuesday morning. School. Again.   
Natsuki sat up in the sleeping bag and felt disoriented for a moment, surrounded by the interior of Sayori's bedroom rather than her own.   
And the cow. That damn cow...  
Natsuki shuddered.   
Standing up, she glanced over at Sayori, who was still fast asleep. Sprawled out on top of her sheets with her arms and legs pointing every which way, and a small puddle of drool having formed at her mouth, made Natsuki glad she'd gotten the sleeping bag.   
Once in the bathroom, she checked herself carefully. She'd had to wear the same uniform throughout the night, but it still looked fresh, even if the clean smell was long gone. As long as nobody came too close to take a whiff, there'd be no problem. The bruise on Natsuki's face has mostly healed by now too, and had receded to her hairline, making it much easier to hide.   
Natsuki brushed her teeth, woke Sayori up, and made herself some quick toast. It felt almost as though she was living an ordinary life, like Sayori was her roommate or sister or something, and they were preparing for a completely ordinary school day. She'd almost forgotten her troubles until she checked her phone.   
Three calls from her dad and seven messages.   
She didn't dare answer, or even read them. Better to let her dad forget about her.   
Forget all about her. 

Sayori was cheerful and jumpy all the way to school, chattering non-stop about the guy she liked. Apparently Natsuki was the only one who knew of her crush, and finding out had opened a floodgate of new topics for Sayori to talk to her about.   
Natsuki just nodded and smiled, trying to take in as much as she could. It was the least she could do, after all.   
"I'm gonna tell him in lunch break!"   
"Mhm?" Natsuki responded.   
"Or do you think I should tell him sooner?" Sayori pondered.   
"In my experience," which Natsuki knew was none, "you should always do something like this at the beginning of the big breaks. Then you'll have time before class to recover if things go wrong."  
Not as though things were likely to go wrong. Sayori was joyful, caring, and funny. What was there not to like?  
"I think everything will be okay!" Sayori sounded confident, echoing Natsuki's thoughts. It did put a smile on her face to see Sayori so excited, so she hoped it would work out for her. Things were finally looking up in her own life, why not in Sayori's as well?   
In the end, Sayori decided to find the boy in lunch break and confess to him then. Excited for her, Natsuki found herself smiling during Maths class, for the first time in a very long time. She wasn't sure if anyone noticed, nobody paid any more attention to her than usual, but it felt good.   
In fact, she almost enjoyed all of her classes leading up to the break.   
But here it was, the big moment. 

Natsuki hadn't packed herself a lunch as part of an unfortunate habit, and instead searched for Sayori and the mystery guy. It felt weird that she hadn't even heard the guy's name yet, it was one thing Sayori had never mentioned.   
She wandered around the school grounds, looking around. Natsuki had never noticed how barren the outside area was compared to the hallways during break time. Kind of sad, given it was a beautiful day outside. Sighing, Natsuki entered the building again.   
She didn't find Sayori, it was instead Sayori who found her.   
She was not bouncing off the walls, but was instead walking very normally, very purposefully. Natsuki immediately knew something was up.   
Reluctant as she was, she had to ask.  
"So how'd it go...?"  
"It was okay..." Sayori gave her a small smile and held her composure remarkably well, but Natsuki could see tears welled up in her eyes.   
It was not okay.   
Sayori stepped a little closer and wrapped her arms around the shorter girl, stifling a sob.   
Natsuki looked around over Sayori's shoulder. Nobody was looking. Two girls hugging wasn't exactly a special sight anyway. She raised her arms and embraced Sayori gently.   
"I'm sorry..."  
"It's okay..." Sayori sniffed, "he said he was already happy with someone else..."  
"Who's that?" Natsuki's curiosity got the better of her.   
"A girl called TW9uaWth..." Sayori sighed sadly.   
"Well I don't know her..." If Sayori's stories and descriptions about the boy were all true, then she was a lucky girl, Natsuki thought. All things considered though, Sayori seemed to be handling it pretty well.   
They stood there a while longer, until the bell rang. Sayori wiped her eyes and waved goodbye on her way to her next class, forcing a smile.   
She was strong. Natsuki was certain she'd pull through this. 

The rest of the school day went by much slower. Natsuki wasn't particularly excited about anything now but getting back to reading her manga in the Literature Club. And maybe coming back to Sayori's house. She'd probably bake the poor girl something to help her take her mind off things. Again, it was the least she could do. 

The final bell rolled around after an eternity of staring at textbooks and confusing diagrams, and Natsuki was released back into the hallways. Like usual, she walked in the opposite direction to most of her classmates and ascended the stairs to the upper floor, where the Literature Club was held.   
She opened the door and a familiar sight greeted her.   
Chairs neatly arranged behind the tables, the desks all lined up perfectly, and Yuri sitting at the other end of the room, staring intensely at a book.   
"Hey." Natsuki waved nonchalantly and Yuri looked up from her book, nodding back in friendly greeting.   
Off to the closet, then. Sitting down on the floor with her favourite manga in her arms, Natsuki began reading too, letting all her thoughts disappear into the pages of the compelling story. 

After a while, she heard the door open and peaked round the corner to see who it was. Sayori stepped into the room more quietly than usual, nodding politely to both Natsuki and Yuri, before sitting down at her usual table and pulling out her notepad.   
Natsuki watched her for a while. It's not that she was particularly worried about Sayori, she was just curious about how the girl coped. She was writing. A story, perhaps... maybe a poem? Natsuki recalled she'd done some writing herself in the past, but it wasn't anything she'd ever want to share. 

The club meeting wasn't all too different from usual, aside from the fact that Natsuki wasn't interrupted from her peaceful reading for once.   
Monika came in a little late, as usual, and had a chat with Sayori, who seemed to cheer up a little. Yuri was quiet, but from the way she stared at her book she looked as though she was having an extremely intimate moment, and Natsuki preferred not to dwell on that for too long.   
She sighed happily. Somehow, the Literature Club almost always helped cheer everyone up. But as quickly as it had begun, the meeting ended. 

On the way home, Sayori was quiet. She stared ahead, and whenever Natsuki asked her if everything was okay, it would take a couple nudges to get a reaction. Sayori almost took a wrong turn on the way home, too. NOW her behaviour was getting a little worrying. It's like the moment she left the clubroom she'd fallen back into a hopeless slump. Natsuki had no experience with break ups, but she knew they could take some time.   
At least, that's what her manga had taught her.   
They finally arrived at Sayori's house. The sun was shining as brilliantly as ever, and they walked up to Sayori's room together.   
"Listen... anything you need to talk about, I'm here for, okay?"  
Sayori nodded.   
There was a long silence. 

"Can... can I have some water...?" Sayori asked. Her lips were a little dry, Natsuki noted.   
"Sure thing."

Natsuki patted her friend on the back gently and stood up. She exited the room and went downstairs. The drinking glasses were a little high up, so she had to be careful, but managed to retrieve one without dropping anything. There wasn't a water filter or anything around, so Natsuki just poured water straight from the tap. It looked clean enough. 

She went back upstairs, carrying the glass with her and another for herself. Hopefully Sayori would want to talk more once she had rehydrated herself. Natsuki was actually missing how chatty she used to be. She awkwardly pushed down the handle to open the door and dropped the glasses, screaming. 

QSByb3BlIHRpZWQgYXJvdW5kIGhlciBuZWNrIHdhcyBzdXNwZW5kaW5nIFNheW9yaSBpbiB0aGUgYWlyLiBBIHB1bmlzaG1lbnQgZm9yIHRoZSBsYXN0IG1pc3Rha2Ugc2hlIHdvdWxkIGV2ZXIgbWFrZS4=


	12. Chapter 12

"Miss...? Hello, miss?"  
Natsuki was yanked hard out of her thoughts by the police officer's voice. She raised her head from its resting place on her knees and looked up at the woman holding a notebook. They were just outside the front of the house.   
"Miss, is there anything you can tell me about your friend? Anything that might help us understand what happened?"  
Her voice was soothing, and the woman stayed a comfortable distance away. Natsuki turned to her a little and stood up shakily for the first time in an hour. The police had arrived not long after Natsuki had called them, but she had been so scared that the phone call itself had taken a while.   
Now she racked her brain for anything that could've explained Sayori's sudden... she didn't even want to think about it.   
"I... I don't know... she was always so happy about everything, I couldn't even imagine her frowning..."  
The officer nodded slowly, writing in the notebook. Right, as if persistent happiness could be a possible motive for suicide.   
"There was one thing, actually..." Natsuki continued, remembering the events from earlier in the day. "She asked a guy out at school... umm... her neighbour over there..."   
Pointing at the house next-door, Natsuki wondered if maybe she should be a little more discreet... she didn't want to get anyone else into trouble, after all.   
"She was rejected... he was already together with someone, I don't remember who..."  
"Thank you miss. Do you know the boy's name?"  
Natsuki just shook her head. She didn't know his name.   
The officer nodded again and then reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.   
"Will you be okay? I can get one of my colleagues to stay with you if you need it."  
"I'll be fine." Natsuki brushed the hand away and looked up at the officer. "Thanks..."

The 'investigation' proved relatively fruitless. A girl had hanged herself in her bedroom. There was no evidence of a murder, of course, and no evidence of Sayori's condition prior to the... incident. Natsuki's tears had long-since dried up, and she didn't step back inside the house. Eventually, she just left.   
She had already walked down a few streets before she realised she had nowhere to go. The sky was beginning to dim so the school would be closed. She checked her phone. No new messages or calls. Still, she was certain heading home would be a mistake.   
Where else could she go?  
Natsuki just kept on walking. He feet led her on autopilot through the town. The streets gradually got darker. The street lamps came on. White houses were lined up on either side of her and everything looked dull and colourless in the night.   
Natsuki stopped and realised that she had walked all the way to Monika's home. The front lawn had been tidied and the house now looked just as bland as all the others, but somehow she knew it was Monika's.   
She rang the bell.   
"Coming!"  
A cheerful voice came from behind the door, and it was soon swung open. Monika was standing in front of Natsuki, wearing her school uniform still, and a cheery smile on her face. Her brown hair was tied into its usual long ponytail with a white bow in it.   
"Natsuki! Fancy seeing you here!"  
Monika seemed completely oblivious to what had happened at Sayori's house but, to be fair, it had only been a couple hours ago... there was no way she could have heard about it yet anyway.   
"Hey..."   
"... Are you okay?"   
"Well..." Natsuki wasn't exactly sure what to say. She wasn't sure why she rang the bell, yet alone walked here in the first place.   
"Well, I just... something happened..."  
Monika gave her a concerned but caring look. "Something at home...?"  
"About Sayori, actually..."  
Something about Monika's expression changed in that instant. Natsuki couldn't tell what it was, but the moment it came, it was gone again, and Monika was just as concerned as before.   
"What happened?"  
"It's complicated... I... I think she's a little upset about something..." Natsuki was sure she'd feel guilty lying about something like this, but it would probably be better not to load it all onto Monika in one go.   
"Well, I'm sure she'll get over it... are you okay though?"  
Natsuki almost flinched, but Monika didn't know, so...  
"Natsuki?"  
"Yeah, sorry... I just... I feel like I might be partially responsible, I guess..."  
"How so?"  
"Well... it's a long story..."  
"I have time."  
Shifting around uneasily, Natsuki rubbed her arms a bit.   
"She wanted to ask a guy out... I just... I gave her advice on it, but it turns out the guy was taken and I guess she... she didn't take it too well..."  
"So you suggested she ask the guy out?"  
Monika was playing with her hair thoughtfully.   
Natsuki nodded. "I had no idea he was taken already, I wish I had known..."  
"Mhm..." Monika twitched slightly.   
"Uhh... can I come in? If it's not too much trouble?"   
It was getting cold, and Natsuki was starting to shiver.   
"Why don't you go home, Natsuki?"  
"Well it's kind of compli--"  
"Go home, Natsuki." Monika was staring her dead in the eyes. "Your dad will want to see you. You've been gone for a long time, haven't you?"

That seemed reasonable. 

She had been gone for a while. 

Her dad would want to see her. 

She should   
just  
go  
home. 

Natsuki nodded slowly.   
"I guess..."  
"I'm sure everything will be alright soon." Monika rubbed her arm encouragingly.   
It felt comforting to have someone who cared for her after all this, but it was time for Natsuki to return home.   
She waved goodbye to Monika, who was smiling after her and waving back. 

Natsuki walked home slowly in the night. It was dark and all she had to show her the way was the cold white glow of the street lamps, but she'd walked home from Monika's house before.   
Rounding the last corner, she saw that the lights in her house were on. She approached carefully. Hopefully her dad would be understanding...   
Probably not, but Natsuki was willing to give it a try. She really hoped Monika was right. 

She turned her key in the lock. The door opened with a creak that sounded deafening in the silence of night. She stepped inside, and walked to the lounge, where her dad was waiting for her.   
He was laying across the couch. Empty beer cans all around him and a smashed glass on the floor. His shirt was riding up his beer belly and his hair was messy and all over the place, but he was awake.   
He was very awake, staring at her, and clearly not very happy.   
He was, in fact, very unhappy.   
Natsuki stuttered a little. "H-Hi, Papa..."  
"Nat. You little fucking bitch."  
He was up in an instant.   
Natsuki held her arms out in front of her as he lunged. His pupils were diluted, it looked almost as though he were high on something. Something horrible.   
He grabbed her arm and dragged her across the lounge, kicking and screaming.   
Why had she come back?  
Why did Natsuki come back?   
In her fear and panic, she couldn't remember. Her dad shoved her onto the floor, and punched her right in the gut. Natsuki didn't even know what to do anymore. He had never been this brutal in the past. Never had she seen this kind of pure rage. Was it really because she was just gone for a few days?  
She just... she just let him beat her. Fighting back was pointless.   
But she wasn't prepared for what he had in store.   
Her dad grabbed her hair and pulled at it, then ground her face into the floor. Natsuki screamed as sharp pain tore across her cheeks, and she realised that she was right on top of the smashed glass. A pool of blood was already forming as the shards cut into her flesh, digging into her cheek and forehead, filling her mouth...   
Natsuki screamed and screamed, until even that became too painful.   
But he still wasn't done. He pulled her up and screamed himself as he slammed her head into the floor, glass cutting into her skull. She couldn't hear his words, but his mouth was wide open, spit raining down on her.   
Her head hit the floor again.   
And again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Blood was all Natsuki could see.   
Blood was all Natsuki could smell.   
Blood was all Natsuki could taste. 

She wanted to scream, but the glass in her throat tore at her insides, trying to push its way out of her neck again. 

And then her head was swung sideways against the corner of the coffee table. 

The pain was unimaginable but somehow Natsuki returned from the black that had encased her world, and her head was slammed against the table leg again.   
She couldn't see or hear anything, but she could feel her soft flesh torn away from the side of her head.   
Her skull was hitting the table leg, cracking. Her dad was so strong all of a sudden... he was mutilating her!  
But she wasn't dead.   
Or was she? 

She could feel every tip of broken bone in her skull as it shattered and plunged into her brain and surrounding skin.   
She could feel every cut in her body as the glass dug deeper, nestling against her bones as they broke and shattered.   
Suddenly, her jaw was smashed up into her head and she realised in horror that her teeth were jammed in the roof of her mouth.   
Or she would have realised it, if she still had the capacity to.   
But all she knew now was the pain.   
It was like an eternal punishment. She could feel everything that was happening to her body, but it wouldn't end.   
It. Would. Not. End. 

Was this what it was like to die?  
Or was this a special punishment for her alone?

Why had she come home?

U2hlIHNob3VsZCBub3QgaGF2ZSBtZXNzZWQgd2l0aCBteSBsb3ZlLiAKU2hlIHNob3VsZCBub3QgaGF2ZSBpbnRlcmZlcmVkLiAKU2F5b3JpIHdhcyBsdWNreS4g


End file.
